We give up too damn easy. In relationships, in our hobbies, in our work, on our goals, the list goes on and on. Too often we make excuses for ourselves about being tired, being sick of it, losing our motivation. When did we become such a bunch of whiners? Anything that is worth doing will knock you down, test you and extinguish your fire, but since it is worth doing, it is your responsibility to get back up, remember why you started in the first place, and reignite that fire.
The problem that a lot of us face is that we don’t understand how passion really works. We somehow think that our passion is just supposed to automatically remain, or some outside factor is supposed to keep it going for us. The truth is that we control our own passion; therefore we are responsible for keeping it going.
The Mystery of Losing Passion
Have you ever been in a long-term relationship where everything got really comfortable? You decide not to go out as much, you see friends less often, you don’t keep up with your hobbies anymore, and then maybe all of a sudden you find it hard to even leave the apartment or change out of your sweatpants? I wonder how that relationship could ever lose its magic!
How about a job that you’ve had where you became very comfortable with your boss and you learned what you had to get done in order to keep them happy. After a while you allow complacency to set in and you decide to do the bare minimum that is expected of you and never exceed it. It is a real mystery why this job lost its excitement!
See a pattern here? The problem in these situations isn’t your significant other and it isn’t your job. YOU are the common denominator in this equation and it is you who controls the level of passion you contribute to these things. What if you surprised your significant other by making dinner, took a trip, or if you just told them how much you love and appreciate them? Might that add a little more passion to the relationship? How about if you took the bull by the horns at work and asked your boss permission to work on a new project that excites you? Do you think that might make your job a little less boring?
We need to stop wasting our energy pointing the finger at all of these outside influences and start looking inside of ourselves to figure out what we can do to make things the way we want. Is it possible that you are ready to end a relationship or quit your job? Absolutely, but the only way that you can really know that is if you are giving your absolute best to the situation. Answer these questions to gain a clearer understanding how you got to this point, use your answers to help you rectify the situation and make a decision. They will help you answer the question, have I been a quitter?
1. Am I giving my absolute best in this situation?
2. What can I do to improve my effort and attitude?
3. If I put in maximum effort and improve my attitude, how might that change the situation?
4. Will that change be for the better or worse?
5. If that change occurs, will that change my mind about wanting to give up?
By answering these questions it will become very clear whether it is time to move on, or time to put in more effort. If you have been giving your absolute best and you are still miserable, it may be time to move on, but if you haven’t, you may want to look in the mirror before blaming someone else. The most important thing to take away from all of this is that before we decide to blame an outside factor for our unhappiness it is crucial to first look to see if our own actions might be the cause of it. If you believe that outside factors control your happiness, they will, but if you believe that you control your own happiness, you absolutely can!